i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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