How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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