Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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