My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
