6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
