sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
