the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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