K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
