This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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