guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
