everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
