Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
