my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
