Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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