I CAN MOONWALK!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
