Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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