I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
