My nipple is on Facebook.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
