I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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