Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
