I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
are you so shy because you have an std?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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