My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
