why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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