sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
