Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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