Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
