Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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