I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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