So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it was like eating out sand paper
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
