So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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