i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
