you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
