that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
