There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
