goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
