my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
birth control should be required to get into college
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
