all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
