i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
