My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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