I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
