My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize