You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
