DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
