Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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