Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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