i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
