he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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