I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have fence marks all over my body
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
