she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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