The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
