guys are not supposed to queef...right?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
