Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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