if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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