he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
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I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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