Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
