I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize