he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
