Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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