go do what you do best...puke behind churches
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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