She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
