Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
