I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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