We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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