I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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